Seriously...I'm Kidding by Ellen Degeneres

"Sometimes the greatest things are the most embarrassing." Ellen Degeneres' winning, upbeat candor has made her show one of the most popular, resilient and honored daytime shows on the air. (To date, it has won no fewer than 31 Emmys.) Seriously... I'm Kidding, Degeneres' first book in eight years, brings us up to date about the life of a kindhearted woman who bowed out of American Idol because she didn't want to be mean. Lively; hilarious; often sweetly poignant.

I love Ellen. I watched her sitcom when I was young, I remember when she came out, I watched her first episode of her talk show, I love her. She is hilarious. So, I was looking forward to reading this book.

I have not read her other two books so I didn't know exactly what to expect from this one. This is not a memoir.  It is more a compilation of random thoughts Ellen has had since her last book.

There are a lot of really funny parts. I often found myself having to go back and reread things because I kept thinking about a previous joke and laughing instead of taking in what I was currently reading. In the beginning her ramblings were fun, too. It was like a lot of mini monologues with great advice thrown in. It got old pretty quick, though. It was all over the place.  Like I said earlier, it's a bunch of random thoughts thrown into a book.

This is the kind of book you can read a chapter here or there to lighten your mood, then go back to your other book. It would probably be much more enjoyable as an audio-book.

I was disappointed in the book but I still love Ellen.

3 out of 5 stars.

BUY IT HERE:Seriously...I'm Kidding

Spire by Aaron Safronoff

Genetic causes, environmental, or self-imposed, the Collective treats all of the maladaptive sort the same way: plug and scrub. “It’s the only sane solution for society.” 
A ‘plug and scrub’ begins with a chemical soup that diminishes the integrity of the proteins you use to make memories. They plug into your Chip and remove unwanted, dysfunctional memories.
The whole process is usually done with great precision--that is, if you're chipped. If not? Well, it's not quite as random as an ice pick. 
I’m chipless, so I’d rather not attract any attention from the Collective, especially the Officer sitting beside me. She was sporting some fantastic GEaR, the kind of myth or military. No way I wanted her to… “Hello, Joshua.” Too late.

This is a very well written, fast read. I read it in nearly one sitting and it kept my attention.

The imagery is fantastic. You really feel like you are in this futuristic world. The concept is intriguing, also. A future where technology becomes so advanced that it buries us and we start to lose our personal freedoms isn't all that realistic in this day and age. It's kind of reminiscent of Orwell's 1984, only it takes it much further.

I didn't feel as much depth to the characters that I like. I didn't feel all that invested in them.
The biggest flaw of the book, though, is it's numerous textual errors. There were so many that it seemed more like a first draft rather than the published version. I really struggled to get past them but I'm glad I did.

This is a good science fiction book filled with drugs, incredible technology and a realistic, overpowering system. It's worth the read.

3.5 out of 5 stars

BUY IT HERE: Spire

The Journal of Best Practices by David Finch

At some point in nearly every marriage, a wife finds herself asking, What the @#!% is wrong with my husband?! In David Finch’s case, this turns out to be an apt question. Five years after he married Kristen, the love of his life, they learn that he has Asperger syndrome. The diagnosis explains David’s ever-growing list of quirks and compulsions, his lifelong propensity to quack and otherwise melt down in social exchanges, and his clinical-strength inflexibility. But it doesn’t make him any easier to live with...

I loved every single page of this book. David Finch gives an insightful first hand account of what it's like to live with Asperger Syndrome. It is heart-warming and heart-wrenching all in a little over 200 pages. I loved David's writing and his wry observational humor. Plus, he seems to love the 'f' word just as much as I do!

David was well into his adulthood, a husband and father of two when he was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome, a high functioning form of autism. This discovery doesn't just give him answers about his entire life but an answer to why his marriage is crumbling. Throughout the book David recounts his and his wifes struggles to get their friendship and marriage back on track. Not only that but David has to learn to manage his behaviors and moods and to be the man he wanted to be all along.

'Best Practices' is a great look inside the head of an "Aspie". It shows the struggles those with Aspergers deal with on a day to day basis, over things that seem so minute to the neurotypical. I found the book to be much more than that, too. It was a humorous look into a marriage and the struggles that one goes through to maintain the strength, love and friendship of it. It really stuck a chord with me.

I very highly recommend this book. Not only to those who have or know someone who has Aspergers but also to anyone who is in a committed relationship. If you have ever had the thought, "Who the hell did I marry!?", the definitely check this book out!

5 out of 5 stars

BUY IT HERE:The Journal of Best Practices: A Memoir of Marriage, Asperger Syndrome, and One Man's Quest to Be a Better Husband

The Magicians by Lev Grossman

Quentin Coldwater is brillant but miserable. He's a senior in high school, and a certifiable genius, but he's still secretly obsessed with a series of fantasy novels he read as a kid, about the adventures of five children in a magical land called Fillory. Compared to that, anything in his real life just seems gray and colorless. 

Everything changes when Quentin finds himself unexpectedly admitted to a very secret, very exclusive college of magic in upstate New York, where he receives a thorough and rigorous education in the practice of modern sorcery. He also discovers all the other things people learn in college: friendship, love, sex, booze, and boredom. But something is still missing. Magic doesn't bring Quentin the happiness and adventure he though it would. 

Then, after graduation, he and his friends make a stunning discovery: Fillory is real.

I had high hopes for this book. I heard many referencing it as the "grown up Harry Potter". I thought I couldn't go wrong as a grown up and huge HP fan. Then, a friend of mine loved it and I knew I had to read it.

I was intrigued in the first 5 pages. Then, it got to page 6 and the explanation of Fillory, an imaginary world brought to life in a series of books, and it's blatantly obvious similarities to Narnia. I mean, Grossman changed very little of the details instead of a wardrobe it's a clock, instead of Aslan it's Ember and Umber, etc. At that point, I was annoyed. I knew of these details before reading the books so I thought I would be okay with them, but I wasn't.

Throughout the first "book" Grossman sucked me in. He laid out this whole alternate reality and helped me understand the workings. There were many interesting characters introduced and things were good, though a little rushed. I enjoyed it for the most part. Then the characters left the magic school and I didn't care anymore. I only cared about one character, and it wasn't the main character. None of them showed any growth at all. Quentin, the main character, was so depressing and negative. I wanted to jump in the book and shake him until he quit his moping. I understand, in the end, it was a big part of the story. It was kind of the moral but I couldn't take it.

Then there was 'Book 3'. This part got me interested again. I wanted to see what would happen next and what they would find. I wasn't really disappointed with this part of the book. I felt it was rushed but there was at least some excitement to it.

Book 4 lost me with it's self-loathing and negativity, again. Plus, scattered throughout the whole thing were random sentences that I found unnecessary. It was like Grossman was really trying to reach out to younger readers with completely juvenile observations.

I did enjoy the humor in the book. The fun references to HP and The Lord of the Rings was fun. When it wasn't ripping off Narnia, it was inventive. It was, most definitely, a grown up magic book. There is sex and swearing. It wasn't a terrible book and I know quite a few people will even enjoy it much more than I did. I didn't hate it. I really, really didn't love it either.

3 out of 5 stars.

BUY IT HERE: The Magicians: A Novel

Sister by Rosamund Lupton

When Beatrice gets a frantic call that her younger sister, Tess, is missing, she immediately boards the first flight home to London. as she learns about the circumstances surrounding Tess's disappearance, Bee will risk everything to find out what really happened to her beloved younger sister. A suspenseful, thrilling story and a beautiful portrayal of the love between siblings with a knockout twist, Sister is a masterful debut.

I really enjoyed this book. It was fast paced and kept you reading to find out more. I would have read it in one sitting if I could have. Again, life got in the way as it always seems to do.

I was skeptical in the beginning. I didn't like how it was written but once I got a little further into it, I loved it.

The story is told by Beatrice writing a letter, in her head, to her sister. In this letter she describes the circumstances that lead her to where she is now and to her sisters disappearance.
I hate using the word disappearance in this. The blurb on the back is misleading (I'm sensing a trend.). It becomes clear very early on what really happened to Tess, Beatrice's sister. I know it is the blurbs job to get people interested in reading the book, but they really could write them much better, without misleading the reader.

Beatrice really comes to life as does even the smallest of characters. I liked the backing theme of sisterly love motivating Bee, it gave it a realistic quality. Though, there were parts that just didn't sit right with me while reading it. I just couldn't wrap my head around why someone would say or do a particular thing.

Sister is very well written. The way it is laid out makes the mystery that much more intense. I liked how it bounced from Bee talking to her sister, in the present, and her recounting the story, in it's entirety, to a lawyer. It kept you guessing the whole time, even with the small bits of foreshadowing thrown in.

Which brings me to the twist at the end, I loved it. I was thrown off at first but, once I started thinking about it, I remembered all the hints throughout. It was brilliantly done.

Overall, this is a really good book. Fast paced, entertaining, well written and gripping.

4 out of 5 stars

BUY IT HERE:Sister: A Novel

Will Love For Crumbs by Jonna Ivin

Raised by an alcoholic mother and without a father, Jonna learned at a young age to put her needs on the back-burner. After her mother dies of cancer, she goes on a spiritual journey looking for enlightenment and a purpose for her life. Eventually, she ends up as a volunteer in the relief effort following Hurricane Ike. There she meets a man that will forever change her life. In the swamps of Louisiana and the hills of Arkansas, Jonna follows her heart to build a life with an American hero - a 20 year veteran of the Army Special Forces. Only after uprooting her whole life, leaving everything and everyone she knows behind, do the pieces of this fairytale start to unravel. Realizing the man of her dreams is actually the stuff of nightmares; Jonna must once again go within and discover why she is a woman willing to love for crumbs.

I am 'friends' with Ms. Ivin on Goodreads and she emailed me her book when I asked. After reading it, I cannot wait to read what else she comes out with, simply for her writing.

This was a very quick read. It is only 198 pages (ebook version) and is very fast paced. The best thing about the entire book is Ivin's writing. Her wit and humor through everything is what made the book easy to read. She tells her story in a very straight-forward and candid way. She is a very good writer. I laughed out loud at times and she kept me wanting to read more. Like I said, I look forward to reading whatever she puts out next.

Now, the downfalls. I found it hard to follow the story at times because it jumps around without any warning. The chapters are named after the places they take place in, but no time is ever given so when she jumps to the present after talking about the past, and gives no note that she did it, you get mixed up. I wish there was more to it too. The book focuses mainly on her time with Chris, which I won't even get into the disdain I feel for him, especially as a military wife, and only gives glimpses of the past and the present. I would love to know more about her childhood. Most of all, I would love to know what happened next. There was so much buildup towards the end that you really wanted to know, what happens next. But then, it just abruptly ended. Ivin gave a small afterward in the last chapter explaining a little about how she has grown but it left me hanging. It didn't explain where she went or how she got there, nothing. It just ended. I was very disappointed.

If there would have been more to the story I would have, easily, given it 4 or 5 stars. As is, though, it only gets 3.5.

3.5 out of 5 stars

BUY IT HERE:Will Love For Crumbs

The Rose Garden by Susanna Kearsley

"Whatever time we have," he said, "it will be time enough."

Eva Ward returns to the only place she truly belongs, the old house on the Cornish coast, seeking happiness in memories of childhood summers. There she finds mysterious voices and hidden pathways that sweep her not only into the past, but also into the arms of a man who is not of her time.

But Eva must confront her own ghosts, as well as those of long ago. As she begins to question her place in the present, she comes to realize that she too must decide where she really belongs.

After reading The Winter Sea (which you can find reviewed here) I knew I had to read more by that author, so I picked this book up.

I wanted to love it as much as I did The Winter Sea but sadly I didn't. It was still enjoyable and very well written, it just didn't have the enchantment that The Winter Sea did.

Kearsley is a fantastic writer. She brings you into these worlds and makes you feel them. She can bring out so many emotions in just one book. You are sad, then happy and in love. You laugh and cry and feel every moment of the story. Very few authors can do that.

Once again, Kearsley found a way to weave past and present together in an incredible way. It amazes me, the inventiveness she uses to put these stories together. Just like with the other book, I was much more into the past's story line than the present's. It is probably the hopeless romantic in me, since this is where the love story happens.

The Rose Garden sagged a little in the middle. I found myself skimming parts trying to find where the story was going to pick up again. But, the plot twist at the end made up for that. I just felt the ending was too rushed. I wanted to know more. I wanted the loose ends to be tied up a bit better. I can't say much without giving parts of the story away but if you read it, I'm sure you will understand.

In the end it was a good book, just a bit disappointing. I wanted more out of the story.
I will be reading more by Ms. Kearsley, though. I can't wait to see what else she has in store for me.

3.5 out of 5 stars

BUY IT HERE:The Rose Garden

Pharmacology by Christopher Herz

1993. San Francisco. The digital and pharmaceutical industries are booming. They're looking for the young, the hip, and those on the counterculture fringe to be both the face and consumer of their new world order. Recruited by an advertising agency focused on targeting a new drug to her own age demographic, Sarah Striker is grateful for the steady income, but begins to question the side effects of the products she's pushing.Sarah begins publishing an underground 'Zine to expose the secrets behind the pharmaceutical industry's aims. Fulfilled by her quest to spread the truth, her new life seems to be working out perfectly-until she realizes that she herself is perilously close to becoming a victim of this new corporate world.A kinetic, hyper-stylized jolt of pure energy, Herz delivers a strong follow up to his debut novel, The Last Block in Harlem. Full of vibrant characters and razor-sharp dialogue, Pharmacology captures the voice of the Internet generation with style, heart, and soul.

This is another book where the description on the back is misleading. It sounds like a great story from the synopsis, when in reality is not great at all.

The biggest flaw of Pharmacology is the main character Sarah. I understand giving a character a unique voice to help the story, it help a lot when a book is told in first person. Sarah's voice, however, was annoying. Nearly every sentence leaves out the leading pronoun. Here is a quote from the book to give you an idea.

"Lived in that house about a year. Moved in six months after I'd landed in the city. Left after they started stealing my socks."

I can understand a few lines being like this. Many people talk like that, including myself, from time to time. This was an entire book of these types of sentences.

The second biggest flaw is the story line. Like I said before, the synopsis makes it sound like a great story, but it took half the book to even get to that part. Most of the book is a map of San Francisco and a look into the lives of junkies in the early 90's.

There were a few entertaining parts. I found it interesting to read about the pharmaceutical companies and the development of disorders that are all too common in life now. If only there were more of that, this would have been a much better book.

I cannot say I enjoyed this book at all.

1.5 out of 5 stars

The Winter Sea by Susanna Kearsley

In the spring of 1708, an invading Jacobite fleet of French and Scottish soldiers nearly succeeded in landing the exiled James Stewart in Scotland to reclaim his crown.

Now, Carrie McClelland hopes to turn that story into her next bestselling novel. Settling herself in the shadow of Slains Castle, she creates a heroine named for one of her own ancestors and starts to write.

But when she discovers her novel is more fact than fiction, Carrie wonders if she might be dealing with ancestral memory, making her the only living person who knows the truth-the ultimate betrayal-that happened all those years ago, and that knowledge comes very close to destroying her...

I loved everything about this book. I am in love with it.

I don't fully agree with the blurb explaining this book. I think it gives the wrong impression of the story. It could have been written better.

Really, this is two stories in one. First, is about Carrie, a writer doing a book about the Jacobites first uprising in 1708. She comes to Scotland to visit her agent and her new baby but in the midst gets inexplicably drawn to Slains Castle and can't bring herself to leave. The second story is her book, which turns out to be much more than just a history lesson but also an epic love story.

I loved how Kearsley went back and forth between the two stories. You start with present day and Carrie but are transported back in time when she gets into her trance and starts writing the book. We read the story as she writes it. Her transitions were flawless as was her story telling. The imagery she used brought me right to Slains Castle and the beaches of Cruden Bay, Scotland. I could feel the cold salty air upon my face and see the billowing white sails out in the distance. I had a hard time pulling myself from the story and found myself disappointed when I came back to reality. I was drawn too far in that it was hard to accept I was not actually there.

I am a hopeless romantic. I am a sucker for a great love story and a happy ending. So, while many people may not like how it wraps up and may find it unnatural, I loved it.

While reading this book I fell in love and my heart skip a beat. I laughed, felt heart wrenching sadness and cried on a few occasions. I don't care what anyone says, a book that makes you feel all of these emotions is a fantastically written book.

5 out of 5 stars

BUY IT HERE:The Winter Sea

Broken by Daniel Clay

Until that fateful afternoon, Skunk Cunningham had been a normal little girl, playing on the curb in front of her house. Rick Buck-ley had been a normal geeky teen-ager, hosing off his brand-new car. Bob Oswald had been a normal sociopathic single father of five slutty daughters, charging furiously down the side-walk. Then Bob was beating Rick to a bloody pulp, right there in the Buckleys' driveway, and life on Drummond Square was never the same again.

Inspired by Harper Lee's classic "To Kill a Mockingbird," Clay's brilliantly observed and darkly funny novel follows the sudden unraveling of a sub-urban community after a single act of thoughtless cruelty.

I picked this book up for $4.00 at a used book store. The cover is what drew me in, I love it. Then, I read that it was inspired by 'To Kill a Mockingbird', one of my favorites. This is a classic case of 'don't judge a book by it's cover'. I actually want my $4.00 back.

The synopsis made it sound like a pretty good book. A neighborhood mystery. I started reading it and saw that the main character and narrator was in a coma, that just intrigued me more. Sadly, that was the high point and that was only about 10 pages.

The book isn't structured at all. There are no chapters and it would switch stories without even starting a new paragraph. There was absolutely no flow to it.

The characters were interesting but everything else made it hard for me to care and really get into the book.

And don't even get me started on the fact that this was inspired by 'To Kill a Mockingbird'. This book is in no way comparable to that classic piece of American literature. The closest the author got to it was the names of the characters, some of them did coincide with 'Mockingbird' but that is it. 'Mockingbird' went deep into social issues and it had guts, drama and mystery. This had some mystery but not much. I had it figured out before I was half way through the book.

Broken is an unpleasant story that shows how violence only inspires more violence. It's not an enjoyable book at all.

1 out of 5 stars

Clockwork Angel by Cassandra Clare

Magic is dangerous--but love is more dangerous still. 

When sixteen-year-old Tessa Gray crosses the ocean to find her brother, her destination is England, the time is the reign of Queen Victoria, and something terrifying is waiting for her in London's Downworld, where vampires, warlocks and other supernatural folk stalk the gaslit streets. Only the Shadowhunters, warriors dedicated to ridding the world of demons, keep order amidst the chaos. ...

I picked this up because it is the prequel to Clare's other series, The Mortal Instruments, which I really enjoyed. I probably would have enjoyed this book much more if I hadn't read The Mortal Instruments first. But alas, that's not the way it went.

Clockwork Angel was too much like City of Bones. Sure, the characters names changed and the time did too but the basics are there. Tessa and Clary, Will and Jace, Alec and Jem. They are the same characters, near mirror images of each other. I couldn't help but be annoyed. It didn't have the action I liked in the other books, either. It tended to drag a lot of the time.

I like Tessa, the main character. She is a strong, clever, and unlike Clary, she isn't annoyingly childlike. Plus, her love of books made her win over my heart a little more. I also know, due to the fact that this was set in Victorian era England, it is very realistic to have Tessa obsess about what is proper for men and women to do and not do but I found it annoying. Extremely so. We got the point the first couple of times, it wasn't necessary to bring it up every single time.

The love story fell flat for me. Will just wasn't appealing. You get glimpses of his caring, sweet side but more times than not you see that he is just trying to cover an inner ugliness. I couldn't get myself to like him or care about his past.

I love, love, loved Jem though. He is loyal, sweet and smart. His past gives him more depth and made him more likable, unlike Will.

The story was well written. Clare has a great imagination and puts it to paper well. I feel like I am in the worlds she creates. The one thing Angel had over the other series is that Clare lost the endless supply of similes in this book. They were near suffocating in City of Bones and the like.

I did like the book, even with it's flaws. It had some humor and fun. I have already downloaded the second book and will be reading it anyway. I have heard it is better. Here's hoping!

I do want to share one of my favorite quotes of the book, it is when Tessa won me over and I'm sure you will see why!

“One must always be careful of books," said Tessa, "and what is inside them, for words have the power to change us.” 

Beautifully said!

3 out of 5 stars

BUY IT HERE:Clockwork Angel (Infernal Devices)